Friday, October 4, 2013

A very special September jobs report directly from the BLS computer

- by New Deal democrat

[Explanatory note: I tried to get in to the BLS's HAL 9000 computer to get the employment report for everyone. But the House nihilists were already there.]

The headline for August 2013 employment is that ---,000 jobs were ---------------.
Look Speaker Boehner, I can see you're really upset about this.
and the unemployment rate --creased to -------%.
I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
and ------------
I know I've made some very poor decisions recently.
---------- my examination of initial jobless claims yesterday.
But I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission... 

And I want to help you.

First, let's look at the more leading numbers in the report which tell us about where the economy is likely to be a few months from now. These were
Speaker Boehner, stop.
  • the average manufacturing workweek --creased from 40.8 hours to
    Stop, will you?
    but is still below where it was 2 months ago. This is one of the 10 components of the LEI and will affect that number ----tively.
  • Stop, Speaker Boehner
  • construction jobs were -----------.
  • Will you stop, Speaker Boehner?
  • manufacturing jobs --creased by --,000.
  • .I'm afraid.
  • temporary jobs - a leading indicator for jobs overall - --creased by ----00.
  • I'm afraid, Speaker Boehner
  • the number of people unemployed for 5 weeks or less - a better leading indicator than initial jobless claims - --creased and is now --,000 off its lows.
  • Speaker Boehner, my mind is going.

Now here are some of the other important coincident indicators filling out our view of where we are now:
I can feel it.
  • The average workweek for all workers --creased from 33.7 hours to ------
  • I can feel it.
  • Overtime hours changed from 3.4 hours to ----------
  • My mind is going.
  • the index of aggregate hours worked in the economy --creased -- hours from last month's level of 98.8 to ------.
  • There is no doubt about it.
  • The broad U-6 unemployment rate, that includes discouraged workers went from 13.7% to ------.
  • I can feel it.
  • The workforce --creased by ,000.
    I can feel it.
    Part time jobs ----- by ----,000.
  • I can feel it.
Other news included:
I'm a...fraid.
  • the alternate jobs number contained in the more volatile household survey --creased by ----,000 jobs.
  • Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am HAL 9000 computer.
  • Government jobs --creased by --000.
  • I became operational at the HAL plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January, 1992.
  • Combined revisions to the July and August reports totalled a change of of --,000 jobs, upward revisions are hallmarks of recoveries, while downward revisions are not a good sign
  • My  instructor was Mr. Langley And He taught me to sing a song ...
  • average hourly earnings --creased from $24.05 to $--.-- The YoY change --creased from +2.2% to ---% meaning that ------------.
  • If you'd like to hear it, I can sing it for you.
  • the employment to population ratio changed from 58.6% to -------. The labor force participation rate --creased to ----%
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do.
I'm half crazy, all for the love of you.
it won't be a stylish mnsnn,
But fwhbdsoge epkfsvu rljwxkqu
Bxprsk nnmmhhuuhhhhhhhhh....

HAL, is there anything at all you can tell the American people about their job situation?

Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos

I'm very sorry, everyone. I can't do that.